Sometimes My Eyes

As I type these very words, I can hear my alarm clock going off upstairs, where by some strange and amazing God-given ability my husband can sleep straight through the BEEP, WEEP, MEEP, MEEP. How he does this, I don't know, but if I could bottle it up and patent it I would be a rich woman from all the insomniac sales I could generate.

When the thunder clap jarred me out of bed at 2:30am and my heartbeat raced through my body reverberating the echo for the next five minutes, I knew sleep was a hopeless case for the remainder of the two hours which consisted solely of my eyes checking the clock to estimate the mental countdown of "how many hours of sleep I can still have if I fall asleep right this very second."

Perhaps this sleeplessness has to do something with the fact that 7th period today, I will be evaluated for the first time, by my BOSS. Staying home for the last four years with my kids has kept me from the professionally articulated formal evaluations of one's job performance. Sure, I knew if I had a bad day, the kids knew I had a bad day, and sometimes my husband even knew I had a bad day (ok, probably knew every time) but I didn't have to live it out in a pre-conference meeting, job site performance evaluation and post-conference follow-up.

Perhaps if my husband could have developed this method, my transition into the "real world" would be a bit less stressful and I, at this moment, would not be sleep deprived and for sure ready to crash off my over-tired high like my 2-year-old does after her head stops spinning long enough to crash nose-first into her pillow. Imagine how helpful Tim could have been these last four years if only he had taken the time to schedule routine check-ups on my performance.

Husband: Explain your plans for tomorrow when I arrive in your living room for our evaluation.

Me: If you arrive anywhere between 1:00 and 3:00, check my bed, I will be trying like crazy to fit a nap into the time when Kayla stops spinning, the washer stops spinning, and my head stops spinning.

Husband: How do you plan to accommodate the different needs of each of your children?

Me: If they are not whining, crying, throwing, or screaming; I will be working on some aspect of re-cleaning what I have already cleaned for the forty-third time. If any other -INGing is going on, I will be addressing that need in the method which subsides it the quickest (i.e. bribery, threatening, beating, more bribery)

Husband: Are there any special circumstances I should be aware of when I come for my observation?

Me: Flying pans, underwear, and televisions.

Husband: What time would you like to meet to post-conference?

Me: How about between the minutes of 10:45 and 10:55 because that's all it really takes and that's all you really need.

It the kids threw-up on me, if I felt shitty and like laying on the couch all day and never getting dressed, there wasn't a box inked in red pen F by someone who does not see me though eyes of familiar love. This fact, up until this moment I would have considered to be of no affect on my emotional-psychological status, could potentially be the cause of my inability to CLOSE MY EYES for an extended period of time, in succession.

I know I am a good teacher, I know I am called to this profession, I know I am making an impact in my students lives, I know, I know, I know...but will he?

Three Days of Work

Last week, after a long discussion with my husband (translation, me talking lots and lots, him nodding his head in agreement every so often to give the perception that he is listening and really does care) I decided to cancel the Labor Day BBQ I had planned. This single act was so freeing for me. I simply didn't care. I just can't do it all, and I'm OK with that.

Who ever said wanting to be a teacher would be great? You only work 9-3, have 2 weeks off in the winter, 1 week in the Spring and all summer? Yeah right! Let's see, this week I think I put in a total of at least 50-60 hours, lesson planning, grading and staying after school for meetings....wasn't this supposed to be the perfect job for a working mother?

My school district is really great because they give us "Big Sister" mentors. My mentor came in, brought me a huge double expresso frapaccino, and assured me that being five minutes ahead of the kids is completely normal the first year of teaching. I keep telling myself, next year I'll have it all together...

On a happier note, I have completed my thesis. My grade has been posted and well, not to brag (Ok, I am bragging but it's my blog and I have that inordinate right) I successfully finished graduate school with straight A's. That's 4.0 baby! My professor said, and I quote, "Stacey—I rarely get to perform in the role of “cheerleader” for theses, but this is really excellent work. You’ve really owned your project, and have created an important critical investigation into the developing field of memoir. Your work is among the top 5 theses I’ve read, if not the best one." WHOA...after I picked myself off the floor, I did the dance of joy. IT IS FINISHED!

Updates

First let me just give a big cyber hug () to Jeff for clearing up those name issues for my fellow readers...Jeff you got every pronunciation right...how did you do in one minute what took me four days and three embarrassing moments to get right???

Tonight was a sad night. One of my student's mom passed away on Wednesday, but she still came to school on Thursday and Friday (the student, not the mom) she must have taken my syllabus very literally under the attendance section where I wrote "Come to class EVERYDAY. You are a valuable member of our class and we need you here." Next year I'll need to give specific examples of what constitutes an "excused" absence. Since she made the effort to be in school, I thought it only appropriate to attend the wake. So sad. I will be keeping my eye out for her this year, to help her make it through.

Here is a brief updated list of what has happened in my life over the brief summer hiatus...

• husband and wife agree to "try to sell our house and see what happens"
• place FOR SALE sign in yard
• first people on first day make offer we want
• we are homeless
• find similar home six days later, closer to work, with pool and hot-tub for substantially less than the price of former home
• buy new home
• move in with mom and dad for 3 glorious weeks
• write thesis in make-shift office of folding tables and overcrowded townhouse
• lay out in pool for one whole hour all by myself
• move into new house just in time to start new job
• back to blogging

It's All About the Names

I think I have got down a good 70% of my students names...and they're not easy...I have six Jessicas, two Stephanies, and two Codys. I have one of each of the following Shunita, Karam, Antwonicqua, Shaquila, Shaneikwa, an Naajee. Don't ask for the pronouncations...I'm still working on that myself.

I am settling in and starting to feel comfortable, overwhelmed, but comfortable none the less. Wanting so bad to be "the best teacher" and teach the students revelant information, I struggle with lessons and planning, wanting only to bring to them the absolute perfect lessons that will spark their ambition and cause them to probe deeper and further...

Today I read them two stories Sel Silversteins The Giving Tree and Spencer Johnson's The Precious Present. Then we compared and contrasted the two. It was really good and the students seemed to really grasp onto the concepts.

One other final thought, as I peer over the pile of highlighters and post-it notes that my students had on their supply list, next year I will give each class different supplies to bring, as I am pleasantly amazed at those who broght in extras.

Second Day Jitterbug

Well, the kiddies will be walking into my classroom in approximately 15 minutes. I think I'm ready. I think I know what to do, but there it is again...that nervous hazy feeling in my gut. Yes, I am new to this, but I was here all last year doing the same thing. I have soft music on and am hoping that venting this out will calm my psyche down just a tad...note to self, next year skip the large expresso one the first day!

It was a rough night last night. Kayla did not want to go to sleep, then she was at the side of my bed, doe eyed at 3am. I was supposed to get up and go work out...a fantastic DAY ONE...that never happened...so here I am...here's to a FABLOUS FIRST DAY!!!!!

First Day Jitters

What a summer it has been. I don't even know where to start. I don't even know if there is anybody out there that still reads my blog it has been so long since that last post. So many changes and things have taken place, but the biggest one is the new job which I start in aproximately seven hours from now.

One of the reasons I am feeling so overwhelmed right now is all the fears that are running through my head, will I be a good teacher? Will I have the right answers? Will I make it through this? I sure these are completly normal feelings, esp. at midnight the night before I start, but still in the back of my mind I can't help but wonder.

My goal for this blog is going to change. I think, rather than use it as a "creative outlet" for my growing writing skills, I am going to use it as a "My First Year as a Teacher Journal"...since I don't think anyone reads my blog anymore, no one will probably notice anyways.

Today, I will remember the first day of school. The anticipation. The expectation. The walk through the parking lot at 11pm and seeing only one other lonely care. The excitement setting up my room. The wondering what my kids are going to be like. Today I will remember these things.

Summer Vacation

Well, summer is here and I just can't seem to keep up with everything. Baseball games, walks to the ice cream parlor, mowing the lawn, etc....so, as if you haven't already noticed...I'm taking my summer vacation and will be stepping away from the blogging.

Please come back and visit me in September.

And a special "thank you" for all of those who "checked" in on me while I've been away....you know who you are!