The Case of the Uncooked Mom

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, tonight I will present to you a case which will undoubtedly prove to you the innocence of my client. I will show you all the facts: the dirty kitchen sink, the long-grain rice which was stuck to her sock, and to the chocolate frosting found in well...ummm...we will get to that later in the trial.

Now, where was I? Oh yes, I will prove to you that my client, doting wife and loving mother, was truly the sole responsible party for the dinner presentation on the night of May 1st, 2005.

I will prove to you her husband's late arrival home from work, while yes, admittedly, found Mrs. Gonzales still in the pajamas he kissed her in before he left for work, was greeted into loving arms of enthusiasm, joy, and happiness. My client, while she may be guilty for avoiding cleaning her closet, is innocent of the lavish meal which was placed in front of her family at exactly 7:21pm on that aforementioned evening.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I submit to you a woman who while pregnant with her second child, worked a full-time job, maintained a 4.0 GPA in graduate school, and raised her children with tender loving care. I ask you to look at the accomplishments in Mrs. Gonzales' personal and public life, and challenge you to stretch you minds. Could a woman of this caliber really not cook her family the meal they so deserve?

Thank You.

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, this is a closed case. The defense would have you to believe this woman is completely capable of performing the simple God-given task of providing food for her family. They will attempt to present her as the modern day June Cleaver. But you have to be smarter than that, appearances can be deceiving.

You must judge the facts and not be swayed by her face. We will present to you the numerous witnesses who will testify that they saw Mrs. Gonzales' SUV in several local fast-food drive-thus. The credit card receipt found in said SUV from McDonalds (they do accept credit/debit cards). The best friend who will testify that Mrs. Gonzales admitted to forgetting to feed her son all day long and that Apple Jacks for breakfast are "fine because they have fruit in them." My lawyers will examine her own husband's inability to come up with three things his wife can cook.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, with all do respect, one healthy home-cooked meal does not constitute a true appreciation for the health of one's entire family.

Thank you.