Mom's Confession List for Her Children in 30 Years

• Sometimes I bribed you with candy to go to sleep--after you brushed your teeth.
• I often told you your brother was going to sleep too, but he was secretly watching a movie in his room, having snacks and fun while you were made to suffer in your bed--asleep.
• More than once I let you pretend you were really making your bed, but then I secretly made it "the right way" when you went downstairs.
• I watched well-behaved children in public and wished they were mine.
• I laughed out loud before I told you it wasn't nice to call your sister a "booty-pee-pee-penis-head."
• I let you fall off the kitchen stool hoping it would teach you a lesson. It didn't!
• We took your brother on vacation and left you at home---we burned the pictures so there wouldn't be any evidence.
• I bit you back to teach you the lesson--"No Biting!"
• When you were able to get your own breakfast, I didn't see it as losing my little boy, but rather gaining a maid...now you could make your sister breakfast too.
• I sneaked and closed the blinds in your room so you wouldn't see your friends outside and want to play because I didn't want the neighbors to see me in my pj's.
• I let you ride in the front seat without a seat belt.
• I let you run around the house buck naked and wasn't embarrassed when you took off your clothes in public.
• I got out the video camera when you were throwing a temper tantrum.
• I secretly wished you would be the star of your T-Ball team. I prayed that at age 5 you would be "noticed" by a talent scout and signed over to the "big leagues" by age 7.
• I let you sleep in our bed, right in-between Mommy and Daddy, only when it was "convenient" for Mommy.
• I told you peas were really "green balls of power for superheros" and carrots were "orange weapons of magic force-fields."
• I thought about giving you up for adoption, more than once.
• When you didn't listen in public, I indiscreetly pinched your bottom--right between thigh and buttock, in the good spot--and when you screamed out in pain, I looked around innocently and held you close in loving arms while whispering in your ear "You better NEVER do that again, do you understand me???" with a grin on my face.
• I left you at home alone for over 5 minutes because you were taking nap and your brother's preschool was just down the street.
• I slept you on your stomach when you were 4 weeks old.
• I let you stay in the tub until your body turned blue and your lips moved involuntarily because the mess could be contained to a 3x6 area.
• I made you "perform" for the "audience" of friends and family because I was so proud of myself.